General

I can no longer be complicit.. he's decided after gaining 30lbs that it's not for him and he wants to lose it all (in two weeks.. right..).

It meant everything to me. It wasn't purely a kink, but it was a way to give him everything I wanted for myself and couldn't have (between social expectations and personal issues), to make him feel secure and comfortable and cherished without expectations of being fit and denying himself the pleasures of food, eating, gaining weight.

But it's all gone. He doesn't want it anymore.

How do I move forward from here? How do I stay stable and happy in a relationship without something that's so important to me? Ending the relationship over this isn't really on the table. Any advice or experiences to share? Many thanks..

Forgive me, I'm not sure I understand.

I was saying it's far more than a kink, rather something all-encompassing and important to me because of what it represents, but not something I'm going to end the whole relationship based on, because the relationship isn't based on the feeding/gaining but rather on our connection as two people. The feeding element wasn't introduced until about a year in. Definitely wasn't ever the focal point, though the sub context/what it meant to me was, in a way.

My bf and I have been together 2-1/2 years and met through a mutual friend, nothing kink-related, it just eventually was mentioned and explored, and apparently now he has decided he doesn't want that element anymore. So I'm just seeking advice/insight/experiences/etc regarding how to handle the adjustment, losing a big (no pun intended) element of the relationship, something I really loved and valued, maybe placed too emphasis on. If it were nothing but a kink, I'd be disappointed but get over it. But I think some will understand that it wasn't just something that hit my switch sexually, but rather a representation of a lot of other things - acceptance (for both of us), his comfort within the relationship, etc etc. So I'm not just losing something that was a fun little thing; I'm losing something that represented so many important things to me.

I guess on some level, I'm just scared that losing this physical manifestation of those things means I lose any assurance of them. Because there won't be any verbal etc replacement/reassurance/care/etc; all I had was being able to look at his body and see that everything was okay. And now that's going away.

The title given to the original post: "How to stop liking it..." is an intriguing one indeed. I think most of us, at least those of us who have been around this scene for a decade or two, have asked ourselves that very question. Is there a way to stop being into this? To stop fetishizing, fantasizing about or loving fatness, feeding, etc.?

I think for most of us here the answer is a clear NO. It's a part of who we are, like it or not, and in some form or another will be with us until we are no more.

@Complicity, you say that for you this thing you share with your S.O. is more than "just a kink," that it represents a personal connection between the two of you. Believe it or not, that is actually a good thing. Something that is strictly a kink, a means of getting off, that's pretty much written in stone for most of us; once something has been imprinted in our minds (usually at a very young age) as being implicitly sexualized, we're pretty much stuck with it for life.

The nature of our interpersonal connections with the people in our lives, especially our partners, is in a constant state of flux however. The person you were two and a half years ago is not the person you are today, nor is your partner the same person he was. People change, and relationships change. This is inevitable.

So if feedism/weight gain/whatever is not something you will be able to share with him anymore, then that just means that you will have to find something else to connect over. Maybe you both have a love for fine art, or an interest in literature. Maybe you could try taking some classes together, see if there is something out there that can spark a mutual interest between the two of you.

Whatever the case, you need to have a very open and honest conversation about it. If he's aware of how much this means to you and all the reasons why, and he cares as much for you and is as committed to your relationship as you seem to be, then he should be more than willing to talk and work things out with you.

Relationships are difficult, no matter who you're dealing with. Sometimes the differences that arise between us are too much to reconcile, and no matter how much we want to be with that person, it's in everyone's best interest to split. But where there is a will, there is a way. If both of you want to make things work out, you can do it. It's just going to require a lot of love, patience, understanding and some creativity.

Have you told him all of this? How much it means to you and why in *this much* detail? It sounds like something you have to work through together. There may be a middle ground, or other things you can try (like role playing?) to fulfill that part of you and your relationship?

Now that it's put to me that way, I guess I haven't.. he knows it turns me on and maybe gets a little that it hints at commitment, but there's no way he'd fully understand all that without me explicitly sharing that with him, especially knowing how he can be a little oblivious to the subtleties sometimes. Thank you for bringing that idea up; we've been a lot better the last couple days and I think I'll share that stuff with him when it feels right.

Seeing your weight change can come with all sorts of emotions. It takes consistency, over months, to do - as you've seen. But emotions around it can change, pretty quickly. Totally support talking to him about how you feel, and at least finding some middle ground. Good luck!

Me and my guy have been together for 31 years. Communication can work really well if everyone is honest. ❤️ I wish you all the best.